Red Hats

Donald Trump stands on stage, grinning and talking about how "smart" and "strong" Vladimir Putin is, while his crowds — decked out in red hats instead of gray uniforms — roar their approval.

Instead of a surge of red hats embracing the "sieg heil" as their new troll-the-liberals-for-Elon gesture, the whole thing has faded away.

Tears flowed, but not from libs; snowflakes were triggered and flung their red hats to the ground.

Red hats crowned smiling faces as attendees giddily rushed toward the arena to secure their places in line to get inside and escape the heat.

On a crisp sunny day filled with cheers from St. Peter’s Square, Francis further expanded his influence on the College of Cardinals who will one day elect his successor: Nearly three-quarters of the voting-age “princes of the church” owe their red hats to the Argentine Jesuit.