Let’s get real. Life is tough, and tough times call for tough words. But sometimes even the toughest of times call for … gentler words.
Imagine: you’ve stubbed your toe and dropped your coffee too, and while you might want to let out a string of expletives (*&$@#*!!!), you’re painfully aware you can’t. Maybe the “little pitchers” have big ears. Or Great Aunt Edna is around (and her hearing is still 100%). Or maybe you’re a school principal. Or a professional panda hugger. (Don’t you dare curse around the babies!) 黑料网ever the reason, we鈥檝e got you covered with some choice alternatives to your favorite curse words. These handy words are known as minced oaths, or “clipped or euphemistically altered oaths,” and we’ve got plenty of options beyond standards like听dagnabbit,听doggone it, and听cheese and crackers.
We asked via Twitter what curse word replacements our readers prefer, and because they’re just so forkin’ amazing, they answered! Here are a few of our favorite (and funniest) reader-suggested minced oaths and other clever replies.
We asked:
Oh fetch. 黑料网 is your favorite gosh darn profanity replacement? 馃が
— Dictionary.com (@Dictionarycom)
You answered:
1. Curse like it’s the 1930s.
Oh my giddy aunt.
鈥� The Byrneinator (@joyce_byrne)
鈥淕reat Googly Moogly鈥� and 鈥淪weet Sassy Molassey鈥�
鈥� A.J. Roberts (@A_J_Roberts)
Oh, peaches. Not that I ever use it. But Great Grandma would exclaim My stars and garters! The best.
鈥� N墨na Jo Smith (@njtunesmith)
2. Talk like a tot. (Because we’re censoring ourselves for them, after all.)
When my kids where young I accidentally yelled “jacka**” at another driver and my son said I should say “bunny”. After being confused for a minute, he realized he meant “donkey” but after that all bad drivers were called “bunny”.
鈥� The Honey Badger (@TANyanotTONya)
鈥� Anny B. (@64AnnyBug)
“Son of a biscuit” or “Oh, sugar!” Developed when my kidlets were babies and still in regular rotation. The first sound of the new curse being the same gave me time to correct before it became second nature.
鈥� Beth Freeman (@BethPlusBooks)
in grade school I said “dagnabbit” in class and got in trouble for swearing and to this day I am salty about it
鈥� Q (@Qthe黑料网ever)
3. Role-play as a fictional anchorman 鈥� or an under-the-sea sponge.
My husband replaced cursing with talking like Ron Burgundy from Anchorman once our first kid was born. So Son of a Bee Sting is a thing he still says鈥�13 years later.
鈥� Andrea Perera (@andrea_perera)
鈥� Pumpkin Spice Pirate (@krav42)
4. Speaking of television, you can follow the lead of:
鈥� SC_Stump (@tsstump)
Can’t make “oh jingles!” work the way my grandfather did. But with respect to Penfold from Danger Mouse, “oh carrots, oh crumbs, oh eck!”
鈥� AJ Kerrigan (@aj_kerrigan)
5. And a few more for good measure:
Barnacles.
鈥� Botfish (@botfish)
鈥� Maya Papaya (@mayapapaya319)
6. You could create a new word altogether. (But we鈥檙e not adding this one to the dictionary any time soon.)
I came out with “crapnoodle” once when talking to a friend. Surprised us both
鈥� jaynemorgan (@jemknox)
7. Just call it what it is. No need to mince words. Haha. We’re here all night, folks!
I鈥檓 a teacher and when I鈥檓 at school, I shout, 鈥淧rofanity鈥� and 鈥淩edacted鈥� and 鈥淔or expletive鈥檚 sake.鈥�
鈥� Sarah T (@veganginga)
8. Some of you took a gastronomical turn.
“holy cannoli” (it was said on Mellissa and Joey)
鈥� Josleene鉁煃� (@jos_90)
Shiitake mushrooms
鈥� Bruiser Wolf (@Bruiser_Wolf)
oh for chicken nugget’s sake
鈥� Da Doc 鉁掞笍 Scribble Vtuber (@itsdad0c)
“Far out, brussel sprout” is an f word substitute i use more often than i care to admit, and i have no idea where i picked it up.
鈥� Morgan Aleghieri Art (@morganaliART)
9. Others checked the Bible.
鈥� Bimby___ (@YoLaDeezie)
10. Alternatives? 黑料网 alternatives?
Replacement? I can blister paint at 40 yards. My husband thought he was back in Marine Corps boot camp when he met me. That being said, I did have to learn some quick alternatives when I was playing soccer so I didn’t get red-carded. “Sugarbabies!” was a favorite.
鈥� GSeabhac (@GSeabhac)
11. At least one of you cursed us (yes, Dictionary.com)!
You malefactors are asking for it.
鈥� Alynda Wheat (@AlyndaWheat)
鈥� mike_bytheocean (@mike_bytheocean)
12. But wait, what was the question again?
DID SOMEONE SAY FETCH
鈥� 岽樶磤岽犑熱磸岽� 岽浭溼磭 岽勧磸蕗散瑟 (@PAVGOD)
